Most of you know Caleb, and even some of you get his little quirks and understand his world. However, a lot of the world does not. When Caleb was born he did not pass his hearing test. The hospital checked it daily for a few weeks. Then every other week, then after 6 weeks, the state said we had to have a plan for him. So the plan became we go to an ENT. We did and they put tubes in his ears. Still did not pass. There was movement so they knew he could hear, however, he just was not hearing enough to pass the test. It was not until the age of almost 2 that he finally passed, and let me tell you, we did celebrate. Throughout this time frame we were referenced to receive services through Tarc to help Caleb catch up on his speech. Almost 2 years, the first 2 years...we had a lot of ground to make up. So Tarc came and for 1 year, well after all of the paperwork, really just a few visits, he was evaluated. It was at this time they asked if we thought Caleb was Autistic. I had heard of Autism, never really looked into it or studied it. It was at this same time Caleb was turning 3 and he was transitioning out of Tarc, they could only help until then, and he would go to preschool. Thankfully he was able to transition right into the same preschool his big brothers went too. We knew the staff and teachers, they knew us and more importantly, they kind of new Caleb. We talked about the idea of getting him tested then and after a lot of talk, we decided to wait and see how preschool goes. Give it a little time and he see how he adapts. Now, I have to pause there. If I knew as much as I do now, I would have had him tested then. As a baby, Caleb was completely different than his brothers in almost every single way. He was a very and still is a very picky eater. As a baby, there was only a few baby foods he would eat. He laughed but not the deep chuckle you get from babies. It was more of a giggle. He is terrified of the dark, and I do not just mean scared, literally terrified. For his first birthday we turned out the lights to sing and he cried for the rest of the party. Still today, terrified. From the time he started to play on his own it has all been about cars and trucks and trains. He will pull out every single car he has, or train or truck, and line then all up in a line. You don't mess up the line either. He pulls out one car and plays with it and then puts it back and proceeds down the line, pulling every car out and playing with it the exact same way. He has always done this and we just thought he is his own person, his own being. Every child is different, he is not going to be the exact same as his brothers. Which is true.
Fast forward to now, the age of 5. In preschool, Caleb did great. He still had some different ideas on things but he did really great. So we held off on testing. Now Caleb is in Kindergarten. He is still behind on speech but getting the extra help at school that he needs and he is making great strides. At one point it was believed his little flap in his throat was not closing when he talked. Like when you breath through your nose, this flap opens, lets the air through. When you open your mouth that flap is to close. He had a camera tube put down his nose, which he hated, twice, and its working as it should, but he makes sounds through his nose. He is so much better than he used to be and he has some great teachers working with him to correct this. As much as he loves Kindergarten and school, it just isn't going as great as we had hoped. The academic part is progressing. It is all of the rest that is not. If you know Caleb you know his love for trains. He loves to walk down the hallways pretending he is a steam engine. Cute, no, adorable. But not so adorable for a going to be 6 year old in April. He rarely plays with the other kids in his class. There are some he will talk too and play with but not all of the time. If you ever come to one of his brothers basketball games or tournaments you will understand what I mean here. Caleb is often very much in his own world. He will talk to trains, or imaginary people, and tell them what to do. It keeps him occupied for hours. Other kids will play with him, however when he starts bossing the imaginary trains or people around, the kids usually go off and play something without him. And he is perfectly content with this. And I am thankful that he is. Play at home is no different. He will play with his brothers from time to time, but not everyday, and usually doesn't last too long. He would rather get out his cars and trains and play with them. Or pull a puzzle out. This kid is a wiz at puzzles. For a while we thought we kept having to buy harder and harder puzzles but he loves to take apart and put the same ones back together again over and over and over.
Caleb loves routines. If you say you are going to do something and he was looking forward to it, you better not cancel. He doesn't understand when last minute things come up and plans change. I have learned to work around them and change his perspective which does not always work but most of the time. He is still a picky eater and will actually just not eat if it isn't one of the 6 or 7 things he likes. When he was younger we put our foot down thinking he was trying to rebel and all it did was make him sick from not eating. When he cries, he has to wipe his tears. usually with my shirt but sometimes a napkin or tissue works. Until he can wipe his tears, he will continue to be upset.
When caleb was little, in the church nursery was a worker named Mary. He loved Mary. Often, if he was upset about something and Mary was not in there, they would often go and get her before getting us. Then one sunday she cut her hair short and he wanted nothing to do with her. Threw a huge fit and screamed with being left with her. After a few years he will now talk to her and say hi, but the relationship that was there, is gone.
The first few times we stayed in a hotel room with the teens was horrible. He did not understand where we were. He did not like that daddy and the other boys were in another room but he sure did not want to stay with them. It took a long time for this to be understood, what a hotel was and how it was okay. Now, we generally stay in the same type of hotel so he is comfortable and have the least amount of issues.
I could go on and on with examples about who caleb is and how to understand him. With that being said, after talking with his teacher and the staff that helps him, we have decided to get him tested for Aspergers. At first, I will admit, the thought of him being labeled was daunting. That is why Heath and I decided to not say anything. We needed time to process. Time to deal with guilt and feeling like a failure as a parent. When you have a child, all you want to do is protect and keep them safe and healthy. Over the last few weeks we have realized, he is healthy, just not to the worlds standards. We said if he does in fact have Aspergers, we want him to embrace it. Use it to his advantage and be okay with being not like everyone else. Normal is overrated. Then it hit us, we were not embracing his uniqueness. How can we ask him too when we are not. Through prayer we have laid all of this at the Lord's feet and given it all to him and we have felt such a peace. Yes he may have Aspergers, yes his world in how he perceives things is very different from how I do but he has already opened my eyes to see things for the better. I'm learning and will continue to learn. And regardless of what happens at our appointment, I'm honored and proud that God has picked us to be his parents.
Awww....you guys are amazing parents and if any one has the strength to handle it you guys do. Keep us posted. Praying for you guys. Much love
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