Feelin Good

Do you have those days that just seem to go good and at the end of it you are happy?  Nothing magical happened today but I feel that way.  Last week I struggled...all week.  This new class I am in, kicked my tail and it felt like it just kept snowballing.  I knew my attitude didn't help but I didn't feel like changing it either.  Then sunday I was listening to a song by Lincoln Brewster, so amazing, Lord you are amazing.  I played it over and over because I saw the words and sang the words but I wasn't feeling it.  I taught a class sunday morning, our teen sunday school class and wouldn't you know the class was about grumbling.  I kept trying to make it apply more to the teens than to me but when it came right down to it, God had that lesson for me. I was in a funky mood and knew I needed out of it but still wasn't ready to let my fences down.  Monday came and I went and got groceries and paid bills.  I dislike getting groceries because it costs so much to feed our family healthy meals.  The boys love salads, oranges, apples, bananas, did I mention salads.  I am thankful for this however it isn't cheap.  They drink milk like it's going out of style, especially Caleb.  It makes me wish we had our own cow as much as they drink but I would  much rather have them drink milk then pop.  We got paid and checks were a little less which was unexpected. I should have remembered.  Health costs are on the rise so our insurance went up, providing less on the check.  And then even more taxes were taken out, providing even less.  I know God is faithful and will take care of us. I just tend have those moments thinking, we are never going to be able to take a good fun vacation, or get a new van (new to us) or....fill in the blank. Then it dawned on me how selfish I sounded.  All of those things are not needs, just preferences.  Granted our van has about seen its last days but still, we don't NEED a van with a dvd player.  Our family has more than enough...of everything.  Then John Waller's song popped in my head, While I'm waiting, it was on the movie fireproof.  It is probably my all time favorite song.  I knew I was not right with myself and others for the past several days.  I was grumbling and thinking poor me.  I think we all have to go through those little moments in order to move wherever it is God wants us.  School is still rough and will be for 5 more weeks before I get a break but instead of complaining I'm hitting it head on and its only day 2 but I'm doing better and ready to take on my remaining assignments for the rest of the week.  I turned in my paper work to get my district license.  I have to do this every year until I graduate and get ordained.  While the interview still makes me sweat I'm excited for this next step.  I was looking at my transcript and realized I have about 1 1/2 years left which pumps me.  2 years sounds daunting and is if graduation will never get here.  But 1 1/2 sounds do able.  Obtainable. Gives me the desire and push to keep pushing because I will get there.  Jonathan had a game tonight and his team is playing better and better.  They are really starting to understand how to play as a team.  They are playing unselfishly and its fun to watch.  Caleb went potty by himself.  And this means I wasn't even in the bathroom with him.  He has been doing great only he won't go unless someone is there with him.  He says its still scary.  Today he did it.  I stayed in the living room and he went all by himself.  Then part of me wanted to cry.  I knew this meant he would start becoming more independent and he needs too but, he's my baby.  My last baby and part of me wants to hold on to that but I know I can't.

So tonight I feel great.  Everyone was excited about supper after the game, biscuits and gravy. I know woohoo but they were excited and loved it.  Was able to talk to a good friend on the phone who always comforts me, and makes me feel at ease.  I'm grateful for this life God has given me. I'm grateful for him giving me Heath and allowing us to go through it all together.  I'm grateful for Jonathan, his whit, his enthusiasm, his friends and their families who are now becoming our friends.  I'm grateful for Noah and his love for everything, for his honesty, for his heart that is so giving and tender.  I'm grateful for Caleb and his stubbornness, his laugh and funny faces, his love for others.

And now Heath and I are watching a concert online that is for those sweet families in Newtown.  Even when we don't understand, we have strength in knowing He does!